Bipolar-like life

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.

People with bipolar disorder experience unusually intense emotional states that occur in distinct periods called “mood episodes.” An overly joyful or overexcited state is called a manic episode, and an extremely sad or hopeless state is called a depressive episode.

SYMPTOMS OF MANIC EPISODE: A long period of feeling “high,” or an overly happy or outgoing mood, Extremely irritable mood, agitation, feeling “jumpy” or “wired.” BEHAVIORAL CHANGES: Talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another, having racing thoughts, Being easily distracted, Increasing goal-directed activities, such as taking on new projects, Being restless, Sleeping little, Having an unrealistic belief in one’s abilities, Behaving impulsively and taking part in a lot of pleasurable, high-risk behaviors, such as spending sprees, impulsive sex, and impulsive business investments.

SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSIVE EPISODE: A long period of feeling worried or empty, Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, including sex. BEHAVIORAL CHANGES: Feeling tired or “slowed down”, Having problems concentrating, remembering, and making decisions, Being restless or irritable, Changing eating, sleeping, or other habits, Thinking of death or suicide, or attempting suicide.

(www.nimh.nih.gov)

***

You might already have a clue with the bold words in the symptoms. My usual behavior. Yes, this might be over-exaggerated to think I have this, but sometimes it just feels like I do. I haven’t thought of it before until everything just seems so messed up. My mood goes too deep then would suddenly change to the opposite in a very rapid way and time. Then I don’t know, it just popped out of my head and so I researched about it and then it scared me a little, seeing the symptoms of it that I usually experience.

Maybe my guess was right, or maybe life’s just too roller coaster-like right now for me. Everytime I try to put up a huge smile, something comes up and ruins it. If not to make me feel dismay, it turns out to be worse and would make me cry. There are some things that I can’t do anything about but to cry over them, some though, are very hard for me to resolve cos it would either involve affecting someone else, or hurting myself. Often, I choose what will not involve other people, but it’s always pretty hard having heartaches most of the time. Sometimes it makes me think that I’m always put to be the risk rather than be the one who’s gonna get a better ending. It might help me in some way or would give me something to learn, but often times, its just all too much to carry. I would even think that getting hurt is a possible cause of getting literal heartaches that i get every once in awhile. It really gets tiring every time.

I have nothing against the people, I just wish they weren’t the ones who had caused it or that it could have been something lighter because it hurts a little more when the people are the ones you love the most or the ones who you consider as special people in your life who you’d never thought can hurt you in any possible way. I may have expected far more than what I know they would do for me or what they wouldn’t do for my sake, which, hurts when they can’t or they don’t. Expecting has always been the reason why people get hurt from what others do, and maybe I’m one of those people who had expected things from people I know, including the part where they won’t hurt me. But I don’t know, it just goes that way cos I know to myself I won’t do it to them. Sometimes, you just expect things from people cos you know to yourself, you can do it for them, or that you can’t do anything that you know would hurt them. It’s like a reflex thing. You just, suddenly do them without any reason. It’s not that I expect anything in return, it just goes that way I guess. I give too much to people I love and I can only think good about them or what they can do.🙂

10 thoughts on “Bipolar-like life

  1. this is why i don’t like reading/researching about illnesses/disease because then i’ll end up thinking i have it. kinda ironic for you to hear that from me, a soon to be medical technologist(or maybe even a doctor lol)

  2. i just noticed i look like a creep. idk, i think it’s because i don’t have a picture and i’m leaving a comment in all your post lol idek

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