(Sept.23, 2011 post in my multiply account)
Who doesn’t want love? In my age, it is when ‘love’ gets really frustrating especially when you still haven’t got anyone to show you what love is.. Yes, I have been.
I can say I wasn’t desperate, cos if I were, then I would’ve said yes to those who tried to court me. I’m not bragging but believe me, I have ignored a few.
and yes, I am also guilty of being frustrated/depressed about it. I am not really looking for a labelled relationship as of now, but I just want someone who is willing to show me that someone likes/loves me. I am still hopeful that there are men out there who are consistent and faithful.
As I have scanned my journal which I haven’t got the time to update, my last was about how disappointing it is to not feel loved back.
At the same time, I have my ‘future’ notebook. You see, I’m a great definition of a hopeless romantic and a damsel in distress so I also have my way in expressing about love. I have my ‘letter for my future boyfriend’ which is still progressing, and I am planning on pursuing a ‘letter for my future husband’ and ‘letter for my future kids’. (forgive me for being such a weirdo)
So anyway, in my ‘letter for my future boyfriend’, I wrote a few about my past, and my current loveless life. July 2011 was the last, and I wrote a little about how I want him to be, or what I think he already is.. I also thought of why it’s taking so long for us to meet, or if he’s thinking about me too. I think I also wished we’d finally meet. I didn’t ask for us to be ‘together’ right away or to have a ‘labelled relationship’, but I just wish I’d finally know how it feels.. : )
Weeks along with that hint of hopefulness and weeks after with a little more of frustration both from school and from being ‘loveless’, an unexpected person came to.. ‘blow off the dark clouds above me’, just like what he said he’ll be doing. : )
He is still at it, and he is what I have that keeps me going. : ) : ) : )
It somehow went fast, but as long as it stays like this, or becomes better, then I wouldn’t mind. ; )
Ever had the feeling that you’ve had someone in your life for a very long time, when you haven’t?
Or that suddenly you thought of wanting them in your life, and needing them?
It is quite odd, and somehow scary, but it is probably one of the best things you’ll ever feel.
Have you ever met someone once, but unexpectedly became close through whatever way possible, and you miss them like you’ve been together a couple of times and you just want to be with them again?
Have you ever imagined being with them, and all you wanna do is hug them for not being there beside you (literally) for like, ages?
Have you ever thought why just now?
Have you ever thought how the hell did you manage without them?
Have you also thought of why there seems a lot of hindrances still, when you’re both okay anyway?
I am scared how this came about, but at the same time I am very thankful.
They say that you should always appreciate what you have, and as of now, I am appreciating everything.
I may have moments where I doubt things, or that I am too anxious about how things are going, but I am always trying not to worry myself too much about it for as long as I am okay.. or for as long as we’re okay. : )
There may be something in the way for us right now, but.. what will be, will be. : )
Someone once told me, that probably, God is still writing my beautiful love story.. He might have started now, and I do hope that this is really the start.
It really is unexpected too, cos who knew the one who told me that is the one who started it? ; )
Call me silly to think of everything.. like this. but really, this is what I’ve been looking for. : )
Ineffable happiness? You can say that. ♥
Yes, I am constantly praying and hoping for things to finally go right for me with ‘this’ part of my life. I also know that a few of my friends are also hoping the same thing, since they are witnesses on how this frustrated me before or for countless times.
I am not asking for things to be perfect, because that would be a joke. I only want this to last. : )
: ) : ) : )