Pretend, pretend

well it’s basically going down the same road again.

bliss, turned into dismay then eventually, to an unexpected and unintentional end.

hope for things to go back the way they used to be. act like there’s nothing wrong. act like it didn’t hurt. act like it doesn’t make me cry every night. act like I’ve never been in love. try my best to not care anymore.

avoid love. avoid chick flicks. avoid love songs. avoid knowing about a friend’s happy love story. avoid breaking down over everything good and over everything that’s identical to what I just had.

I wonder why it has to hurt like it’s the first time, when I’ve been through a lot of heartaches before. Unfair. I should be used to it already. Why am I not?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not all negative about it. I am taking all the possible answers to the whys and hows. Pretending, probably.. that I am okay. It’s a playact, and maybe, just maybe, it will eventually become true for me. I am okay.

I know I will be, soon. but as for now, let me just pretend that I am.

P.S. I’ll probably blog about ‘it’ before the 2nd sem starts.. Hopefully.

So, yea. Later x


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