The hidden side of a mess

You don’t know how much it hurts to lose everyone you’re holding on to.
You don’t know how much it hurts to see the ones who you thought would understand you, give up on you.
You don’t know how much it hurts to be left behind, when you know that they are aware of how down you are and how long you’ve been barely holding on to what’s left of you.
You don’t know how hard it is to make every damn day look like there’s nothing wrong.
You don’t know how hard it is to pretend you’re doing fine just so no one will worry.
You don’t know how hard it is to hide the pain.
You don’t know how hard it is to get back up in all the mistakes and hardships I am currently in, all at the same time.
You don’t know how hard it is to make the people around you feel how happy you are for them, when you’re also sad about yourself.
You don’t know how tiring it is to cry every night just to at least let the pain out.
You don’t know how it feels to be alone.
You don’t know how tiring it is to smile when you are on the verge of crying out loud.
You don’t know how it feels to be on the brink of giving up.

I know I’m not good at it, but I have to. I know it’s already affecting others, but I have to come out strong until I finally recover.
I know it’s hard to understand me, but I’ve been wishing that somehow, someone or my real friends would best try to understand me.
I’ve been hoping that maybe, just maybe, a few would be there for me to let me know I am not alone. I may not respond to every comfort or words of encouragement, but it is because I choose to keep silent and just feel them.

I am weak, and I’m a mess. But I’m trying. I’ve been trying. I’ve been doing everything I possibly can to stand up and be strong.

But you don’t know that. And you will never understand that, because you don’t want to understand me. I wish you could, but you don’t cos you wouldn’t want to. If you do want to understand me, then you would. No matter how hard it can be to understand me.
People don’t understand others because they’re too busy listening to their own versions and thoughts about it.

Don’t make people feel they’re alone, because you never know and you’ll probably never know what they’re going through.
Don’t give up on anyone just because you can’t understand them completely, cos you might be the last one they’re counting on.
Don’t judge anyone on how they’re dealing with their problems, cos no one’s the same with the other. What you think might work, might not go the same for the other.
Always be considerate. Always think of what others feel, or might feel.
And just because you can say things, doesn’t mean you have to. Always think before you speak. Always think of what they’d feel.
Try to put yourself in their shoes for a change, and you might understand and maybe you’d also be aware how it would feel..

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