falala lala lala la la.

(Mall of Asia)

It’s really amazing how fast time can fly. It’s true what they say about ‘feeling like it was just yesterday’ when it’s already been a year, and everything had eventually changed in a way or so.

Everyone’s probably very ecstatic about the Christmas/Christmas break already and somehow, it seems like the normal or expected feeling everyone ‘should have’.

I know it may sound stupid but I am serious when I say that I am not as excited for Christmas/Christmas break as I’ve ever been before.. I know, killjoy. But I’m just being honest here. Forgive me.

So yea, I may have a few reasons for that realization.

First on the Christmas list is, school. What about it? The start of the crucial thesis making. Now, we’re just waiting to get the approved thesis topic and then it’s on. The pressure is taking it’s toll a little more everyday and it is very new for a paranoid, overly anxious person like me. There wont even be a “Christmas break”. Maybe just for a week. But since this is like the first time for us, it’s a little.. upsetting.

The day when we became a little close to having our final thesis topic, I felt like I wanted to cry. Out of frustration and dismay that I may not have time to spend with my family & relatives anymore. There wont be any break. Maybe from a week’s class in school, and in wearing school uniform and all, but no break from school works. I am not really complaining. I mean, I anticipated this to come, and I’m also glad that I’ve gone this far. But it’s just really frustrating sometimes when you think of it. I find myself staring blankly for too long when the word ‘thesis’ pops out of my mind.

Yea well, that’s what you get when reality finally slaps you in the face.

and of course, I’d probably will never get tired in including this one: love. Need I say more? No actually, I just can’t talk about it yet. I will though, when I already can.. but not yet, for now.

I know it’s the time of year where I should be happy and all that stuff. but you see, I am starting to ‘actually’ live already and I know that I can’t just ignore or avoid those things regardless of the occasion and all.

*

but here, anyway..

What do I wish for?

Freedom, to do what I HAVE TO DO. No doubts about me, doing something bad or anything. I have no time to even try taking advantage of ‘my freedom’, and I know I deserve that already. Also considering that I need that, cos if not, I doubt I’d be able to grow.

Patience and Support. From my family and everyone else. I don’t need to be pushed down, you see. Cos it’ll only upset me or make me feel depressed which might lead to being dysfunctional.

Strength. No need for further explanation.

Acceptance. I need to learn this and to be able to let go of the things that gives me nothing but pessimism, pain, and dismay.

Joy. true joy.. one that doesn’t have any problem behind it.

Passion & Perseverance. Enough said for school.

I still have a bunch I want to wish for, but maybe it should be between me and my Pops. : ) ..that and I’m just too lazy to put it all here already.

x

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