Somebody call 362.

So, this is it.

I don’t know, I just got a little scared out of all the medication or treatment that was ever given to me. I’m gonna have to take a medicine that will make me dry all over. and by all over, I mean even the joints. (Like, what the hell why make the joints dry?? Aren’t they gonna break or something??) Then, it’ll make me feel exhausted and shit. I don’t know but the first thing that came into my mind was Benjamin Button and Morrie. Of course it’s not that worse or maybe not even anything near it, but still. It’s gonna be hard, I assume.

Also, it can give me drastic mood swings. I might post or write a letter to my close friends to bear with me since I wont have much control on my mood because of my case.

Strict healthy diet, again. The first ones my doctor mentioned that I’m not allowed to eat were my favorites, so it did gave me that pinch-in-the-heart pain. I know, I’ve been in that situation a couple of months ago, and it was freaking hard, I tell you. Freaking hard. Then I started eating a little (I’d still like to think it’s a little) of those I’m not allowed to eat, every now and then. It’s not like everything besides the 6 food I’m allowed to eat are like poisonous apples that I shall never ever eat, I just have to avoid them to help me get better.

Of course, this still includes to be extra clean. I can’t just go around places and drag all the dust and dirt. It will affect me. Terribly. and too much sunlight. (what am I, really?)

And, my doctor said I was anemic. Shouldn’t be much of a surprise, but I was, actually, very surprised. I don’t know, just because. Haha. of course first to blame was my inability to sleep early. I would, if I could. but you see, I just couldn’t! Whenever I get to sleep early, I always end up waking up in the middle of the night and its the same. So, this will be another struggle. I might just strain myself everyday just so I could feel very very very tired so I can fall asleep a little earlier than the usual. Yes, very very very tired I must be, because very very just makes me feel exhausted but still don’t get to sleep early. and earlier than the usual is – 1, 12, hopefully before 12. Last time I checked, the earliest sleep I had was when I was sick. I got to sleep at 10:30pm, thanks to my fever. If only I could take sleeping pills.. but then again, I might be allergic to that one too, so I’d rather just have eyebags than puffy eyes.

It’s funny when Mama told me awhile ago, ‘Ano ba yan, lahat na lang kinuha mo. Sa lahat naman ng mamanahin mo, mga yan pa (allergies)’. Well, I didn’t ask for it but I guess that’s just how it’s supposed to be!

I’m not denying, I’ve been having days where all I can think of is that ‘I’m hopeless, I’m miserable, and I’m not worth it anymore’, and the depression over my case is just unbearable sometimes, especially when it deprives me of doing something I want, need or should do. But of course, with the help of my date-with-God times, it lessens the depression, and I am still going to hold on to Him so I can get through this.

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